


Business as Usual

by xylodemon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, MWPP Era, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2017-11-25 01:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xylodemon/pseuds/xylodemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which things do not go according to plan, which is sadly par for the course.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Business as Usual

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://winterwolfstarwank.tumblr.com/)[**winterwolfstarwank**](http://winterwolfstarwank.tumblr.com/) and the prompt _Hogwarts_.

Sirius reached the mouth of the Charms Corridor just as James came running down from the other end of it, his glasses crooked and his arms and legs flailing, the Map flapping against his thigh like the wings of a demented owl.

Business as usual, then. "Wotcher, Prongs."

"Oi, Sirius. W-we've got," James sputtered and wheezed, hunching over as he tried to catch his breath. It was a good thing Quidditch was played on brooms; his face was roughly the color of cheap wine. "We've got a p-problem."

"Well, when don't we have a problem?"

James made a short, irritated noise in the back of his throat, then slumped back against the wall, his chest still heaving. The portrait behind him, an elderly chap in a standing collar and an unfortunate cravat, grumbled about his beauty sleep into back of James' neck. "It's the -- the Gobstones Team."

"Fairly boring lot, them. No sense of adventure," Sirius said, ducking as James swung at his shoulder. "Well? What've they done, then?"

"They're meeting today. On the third floor." James paused expectantly, like Sirius was supposed to care what a bunch of Hufflepuffs too dim to play chess did with their Thursday evenings. "They're using the choir room."

"And?"

" _And_ ," James said darkly, scrubbing his hand through his hair, an assault which, in its current state, it did not need or deserve, "the choir room is across the hall from that broom cupboard. You know, where we stashed the Fanged Geraniums."

Sirius sighed. He loved James dearly, and thought many of James' ideas were brilliant in the grand scheme, but he was pretty sure James couldn't plan a trip to Diagon Alley without straining himself. "Just use your Cloak, you daft git. They won't notice a thing."

"I can't move them by hand. That'll take hours."

"Yeah, all right. What if," Sirius said, chewing at his lip, "what if we put a glamour on that side of the hall. Then we could just float them out like we planned."

"I thought about that, but I'm pants at glamours," James said.

"Well, I could -- "

"Oh, go on," Peter said, popping up behind Sirius without any warning. Sirius did a good job of only jumping halfway out of his skin. "I saw that portrait you glamoured the other night. Looked like a firstie had a fight with a finger paint kit."

"Where the bloody hell did you come from?" Sirius asked.

"My mum said the stork brought me," Peter said, swinging his attention to James. "I reckon Moony could do it. At least, he managed a decent one when we did that thing with the Shrakes." 

James nodded thoughtfully, then glanced up and down the corridor. "Where is Moony, anyway."

"Oh, right." Sirius winced a little. "Peeves caught us coming through the Trophy Room. We had to split up."

"He abandoned me, is what really happened," Remus said, creeping up on Sirius the same way Peter had.

"I had the Blistering Solution," Sirius said, his voice slightly strangled. If this kind of stuff kept on, he'd need a Heart Massage Charm before he was old enough to buy a Firewhisky at the Three Broomsticks. "I couldn't get caught with that in my pocket."

Remus smiled softly, the corners of his mouth just curving, then leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Sirius' jaw. Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulder, flipping James the bird when he started to make gagging noises. A suit of armour behind them snickered in a way Sirius rather didn't appreciate.

"If you two are finished getting reacquainted," Peter said, snorting into his hand, "we need to get those Fanged Geraniums sorted."

"Already done," Remus said.

"What?" James demanded, pushing away from the wall. He draped his arm over a goblin statuette, which promptly made a face like it had sucked a lemon. "How?"

"Well, Peeves chased me all over the bloody castle," Remus said, nudging Sirius in the side. "I finally lost him on the third floor, just by the stairs. Since I was already up there, I figured I'd have a look at our broom cupboard, and I saw we had a problem."

"And?" Peter asked.

"While I was up there, Myrna Bones and Celestine Hapkirk went into the loo, so I put a Caterwauling Charm on the door and left some Stinkpellets in the hall." Remus looked pleased with himself, and Sirius was inclined to agree. It was absolutely brilliant, how devious Remus could be when he decided to put his back into it. "All you have to do now is go back upstairs and wait. Flitwick will set off the Stinkpellets while he's getting the Caterwauling Charm sorted, and the smell will clear out the Gobstones Team."

"Well done," James said. He clapped Remus on the shoulder, then caught Peter's arm and tugged. "Come on, then. Even two birds can't stay in the toilet all night."

"You want us to stay down here?" Sirius asked.

James nodded. "Right. And don't do that bit with the Blistering Solution until the music starts."

"What's this about music?" Remus asked, once James and Peter were out of earshot.

Sirius waved him off with a sigh. "Never mind. You don't want to know." The plan was pretty solid on the whole, but James' penchant for unnecessary dramatics made Sirius think he'd taken one too many Bludgers to the head. He smiled, and nudged Remus into an alcove made by a statue of Ingbad the Irreverent and a sudden jut in the wall. "Come here."

"Go on. Don't tell me you've missed me."

"I have," Sirius said, hiding a slow kiss behind Remus' ear. He hated Thursdays, because he didn't get any time with Remus between breakfast and supper; Remus had a double period of Arithmancy while Sirius was stuck in Divs with James and Peter, and Sirius had Quidditch practise during Remus' only free period. "I haven't seen you in hours."

Remus snorted quietly, shaking his head, but spots of colour bloomed on his cheeks, and he tipped his mouth up when Sirius leaned in for a kiss, sliding one hand around Sirius' waist and threading the other into Sirius' hair. They stayed like that for a good ten minutes, slow kisses and soft words and delicious pressure when Remus moved just the right way, but then something prodded insistently at Sirius' shoulder, and Sirius wasn't lucky enough for it to be Ingbad the Irreverent wanting them to take their snog somewhere else.

"Bugger off, Prongs," Sirius mumbled, his mouth moving against Remus' skin.

"I knew it," James said, sounding aggrieved. "I can't leave you two alone for longer than five minutes."

Remus twisted around, narrowing his eyes at James; he had a bright red mark on his neck, just below the hinge of his jaw. "What is it, then?"

"It's the Fanged Geraniums. I guess they didn't like being stuffed into a cupboard like that. They've gone feral."

"Feral?" Sirius asked, wrinkling his nose. "Eating each other, like?"

"They chewed through the door, and now they're holding the Gobstones Team hostage."

Sirius opened his mouth, but he was cut off as an ear-splitting wail shrieked through the castle.

"That'll be the Caterwauling Charm," Remus muttered.

Business as usual, then.


End file.
